Dear Abby: Struggling to get through to busy daughter after family split

Key Takeaways:

• A mother seeks advice on reconnecting with her unresponsive 22-year-old daughter.
• Their relationship was strained by a divorce five years ago but has been improving.
• In-person interactions are positive, yet calls and texts go unanswered.
• Advice suggests avoiding persistent contact to prevent pushing the daughter away.
• Recommends reaching out once a month to balance connection and respect for space.

Bridging the Silence: A Mother’s Quest to Reconnect

In an era dominated by constant connectivity, the silence of an unanswered call or text can speak volumes. For one mother, that silence from her 22-year-old daughter has become a source of deep concern and reflection.

Healing Old Wounds

Five years ago, a divorce left its mark on their family, creating a “bruised past” between mother and daughter. Over time, they’ve worked on “repairing old wounds,” and whenever they’re together, “it’s as if nothing has marred our relationship.” These moments give the mother hope that their bond is strengthening.

The Unreturned Messages

Despite these positive in-person experiences, the mother’s attempts to reach out via calls and texts are met with silence. She acknowledges her daughter’s “busy life” and the challenges of “balancing all the day-to-day commitments,” yet the lack of response leaves her wondering how to proceed.

Seeking Wisdom from ‘Dear Abby’

Unsure whether to be more persistent or to wait patiently, the mother turned to the renowned advice column ‘Dear Abby’ for guidance. She expressed her dilemma: “I need advice about getting in contact with my daughter… She will not return my calls or texts… I need to know if I should be more persistent or just wait for her to eventually contact me.”

Advice on Finding Balance

Abigail Van Buren, known to readers as ‘Dear Abby,’ responded with empathetic but candid advice. “You won’t become closer to your daughter if you hound her with requests for more contact,” she cautioned. Acknowledging possible reasons for the daughter’s silence—being “busy, distracted, or just self-centered”—Abby suggested a restrained approach: “Text or call her once a month and you may have better luck getting a response.”

Navigating Persistence and Patience

The advice highlights a delicate balance many parents face when adult children become distant. It’s a challenge to maintain a connection without overstepping boundaries or adding pressure. By reaching out periodically—such as once a month—the mother can express her ongoing care while giving her daughter the space she may need.

Moving Forward with Hope

Family relationships can be complex, especially when intertwined with past hardships like divorce. This mother’s journey underscores the importance of patience, understanding, and respectful communication. While the silence may be difficult to bear, there’s hope that with time and measured efforts, the lines of communication will open, allowing their relationship to continue healing.