A letter to the Miss Manners column questions why people seem fixated on receiving written gratitude and even calls thank-you note expectations “brutal and draconian.” The complaint highlights a larger conversation about whether politeness has come at the cost of genuine personal choice.

Afternoon tea etiquette may conjure images of polished manners, but even seasoned hosts can find themselves asking the same question: Should pastries be enjoyed with utensils, or is it acceptable to use fingers? Judith Martin, known to readers as Miss Manners, weighs in on this timeless conundrum.