After I quit smoking cigarettes, I found my love of singing again. It feels like a reward for taking care of myself.

Key Takeaways:

• Quitting smoking revived my vocal abilities and reignited my passion for singing.
• Early struggles with mental health and a tonsillectomy led me to abandon music.
• Smoking and drinking became unhealthy coping mechanisms for anxiety.
• Achieving sobriety was a pivotal step toward reclaiming my well-being.
• Embracing music again has become a rewarding aspect of my self-care journey.

Rediscovering Singing After Quitting Smoking

I always loved singing, but I quit due to difficulties in school and a tonsillectomy. Years later, after getting sober and quitting smoking, I got back in touch with my voice and my love of music.

An Early Passion for Music

I fell in love with singing when I was 11, performing “Blue Christmas” in front of my fifth-grade music class. Nervous about forgetting the words or my voice cracking—what preteen doesn’t crave peer approval?—I was shocked to see positive reactions on everyone’s faces. As a middle-of-the-road student and athlete, I’d never felt like a “star” before. In that moment, I knew I wanted to be a singer.

Challenges and Setbacks

My parents generously supported my dreams, with my mother taking me to rehearsals, recitals, and lessons in opera and musical theater. Throughout middle and high school, I sang choir solos, took lead roles in musicals, and enjoyed three years in a barbershop quartet—the most fun experience by far. Initially, it was exciting.

However, the fulfillment gradually evolved into anxiety and self-doubt, fueling the obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and depression I’d struggled with since childhood. The downside of basing your goals on applause is tying your future to others’ reactions. Every performance had the potential to leave me feeling inadequate. To ease the tensions flooding my mind, I began experimenting with drinking and smoking, though only occasionally for fear of harming my voice.

A Life-Altering Tonsillectomy

During my freshman year at a music conservatory in Southern California, I underwent a tonsillectomy after years of chronic illness that left my neck swollen with discomfort. Initially, I was heartbroken—the surgery dramatically reduced my range, and I sounded like a different person. Even my sneezes changed.

Walking Away from Music

The anguish eventually turned into relief when I reflected on my progress in the music program and got honest with myself. To be frank, I hated performing. I no longer took pride or comfort in singing and was acutely aware that I wasn’t good enough to go professional. When I confided this realization to friends, many assumed I was being modest or had imposter syndrome; I felt I was simply being realistic. So, I quit.

This decision steered me toward writing, my eventual career path, but it also meant I allowed myself to smoke and drink as much as I wanted.

Descent into Unhealthy Habits

I’ll spare you the specifics of my drinking career—the details are both gory and generic. Suffice it to say, I became a “garden-variety drunk,” as we say in the 12-step program that helped me get sober. The good news: I haven’t had a drink in 2.5 years. The bad news: I leaned into every other crutch on the menu—vaping, over-caffeination, disordered eating, binge-watching, isolating, and, of course, smoking.

The Path to Sobriety and Self-Care

Early in my sobriety, I confessed my reliance on Red Bull and cigarettes to my therapist, sheepishly acknowledging that I should stop. Her response: “Do not quit smoking right now. Do not stop drinking caffeine.” I followed her instructions, and after the initial rough period of about a year, I felt ready to break up with smoking.

Quitting took another nine months, and while I’m not free of nicotine dependency, saying goodbye to cigarettes has been miraculous. Aside from the cost, smell, and obvious health consequences, smoking eroded my voice for years, preventing it from recovering to its pre-surgical state. While I figured my complexion, hair, and nails would improve, I didn’t expect the biggest shift: my voice came back.

The Return of My Voice

Little by little, I started picking up music again as my vocal cords slowly but surely regained their flexibility. At 35, no aspect of my livelihood involves music, so I feel like I can actually take joy in it, regardless of whether anyone else hears and approves.

Embracing Music Once More

Now, sitting down for an hour or two in front of the piano doesn’t feel like a chore so much as a reward for finally taking care of myself. Quitting smoking didn’t just improve my health—it brought back a part of me I thought was lost forever.