I Drafted Clarence Thomas’ Birthright Citizenship Dissent. It Was So Bad I Quit: Satire

Key Takeaways:

• The article is presented as satire, focusing on a Supreme Court decision about birthright citizenship.
• Brad, Justice Thomas’ former clerk, describes himself as an originalist.
• The piece criticizes perceived hypocrisy in Thomas’ dissent.
• Trump v. Barbara serves as the central legal backdrop.
• The resignation highlights the high stakes and moral tension at play.

Background on the Satire

The original feed describes a satirical essay by Brad, a former Supreme Court clerk for Justice Clarence Thomas. Brad claims he drafted Thomas’ dissent on birthright citizenship but found it so untenable that he felt compelled to resign. Despite the comedic tone, the piece questions the substance of judicial assessments at the highest level.

A Clerk’s Originalist Roots

Brad identifies himself as a firm believer in the originalist approach—interpreting the Constitution exactly as the Founders intended. Yet, as he narrates in this satire, even a staunch originalist can encounter limits when confronted with what he perceives as glaring inconsistency.

The “Trump v. Barbara” Controversy

Central to Brad’s discontent is the Supreme Court case Trump v. Barbara. He describes this dispute as showcasing the “otherwise venerable jurist’s hypocrisy,” suggesting that Thomas’ approach on birthright citizenship contradicts the justice’s usual rigorous adherence to the Constitution. Though the specifics remain undisclosed in the feed, the conflict evidently crosses Brad’s threshold of tolerance.

Resignation and Reflection

Brad details his resignation with a frank admission: “It was so bad I quit.” For the former clerk, the dissent’s problems were too significant to overlook. In this satire, his choice to walk away underscores the broader critique of judicial inconsistency. While much of the narrative conveys humor, it also reveals a deep unease with what Brad sees as an irreconcilable rift between judicial philosophy and practice.