Miss Manners: Someone should have reined in these kids at the theater

Key Takeaways:

• Audience etiquette has evolved, with increased acceptance of interactive behaviors during performances.
• Checking venue policies can help set expectations for audience conduct.
• It’s acceptable to politely decline donation requests conflicting with personal ethics.
• Maintaining courtesy preserves relationships without compromising values.

Navigating Modern Challenges in Etiquette

The world of social interactions is rapidly changing, and traditional notions of etiquette are being redefined. Miss Manners, the esteemed advice columnist, recently addressed concerns that highlight the complexities of maintaining courtesy in today’s evolving society.

Changing Dynamics of Theater Etiquette

A reader shared her experiences at two touring Broadway shows where audience behavior was less than traditional. “At one show, some people wore costumes; across from me, a child had on a rather large hat the whole time,” she wrote. “At the other show, a nearby child sang along, loudly, to every song they knew.” She wondered if it was wrong to expect accompanying adults to teach their children proper audience behavior.

Miss Manners provided historical context to the situation. “The silence that both you and Miss Manners prefer dates only from the early 20th century,” she explained. “Before that, audiences treated plays, and even operas, as if they were streaming the entertainments at home. That is to say, they talked and wandered around, paying attention only when something interested them.”

Rise of Interactive Experiences

The shift toward interactive entertainment has blurred the lines of traditional audience conduct. “In the 21st century, interactive entertainment has become common, even in such hitherto one-way venues as museums,” Miss Manners observed. “Everyone, everywhere, is asked for immediate feedback. Rock concerts encourage enthusiastic noise.”

She noted that this expectation of participation has now extended to movie theaters and live performances. With people holding up phones to take photos or standing up to dance, the conventional etiquette of silent observation is no longer the norm in many settings.

Adapting to New Norms

Given these changes, Miss Manners suggested a practical approach. “You would be wise to inquire about the venue’s policy before buying tickets to future productions,” she advised. By understanding the specific expectations and rules of a performance, attendees can make informed decisions that align with their preferences for audience behavior.

Gracefully Declining Unwanted Requests

In another inquiry, a reader sought guidance on how to handle a donation request from an acquaintance. While generally willing to contribute, she had reservations about the charity in question. “The charity she named has a poor reputation among a great number of my friends, many of whom have the medical condition the charity claims to support,” she explained. Wishing not to dampen her acquaintance’s enthusiasm, she wondered if ignoring the request was the kindest option.

Miss Manners reassured her that politeness does not require one to support organizations against their convictions. “When someone asks for a donation, you are not required to oblige,” she stated. Suggesting alternative charities is optional and can be done to show that one’s “philanthropy budget is already committed.” However, she emphasized that even this is not necessary. “‘Thank you for telling me about it’ is sufficient,” she affirmed.

The Enduring Power of Politeness

Throughout her responses, Miss Manners underscores the importance of maintaining courtesy, even as societal norms evolve. Whether adapting to new forms of audience engagement or navigating personal ethics in social requests, a foundation of politeness allows individuals to handle situations gracefully without compromising their values.

As we continue to face the challenges of an ever-changing social landscape, Miss Manners’ timeless advice serves as a reminder that respect and consideration remain at the heart of all courteous interactions.